And as your days, so is your strength. Deuteronomy 33:25b (NSRV)

 

I suffer from anticipatory anxiety. I worry that something bad will happen even before it might naturally occur. My therapist has told me that my sleep problem is caused by this type of anxiety. It is similar to what is sometimes labeled a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

 

Lately, I have been having episodes of pervasive weakness, particularly in, but not always confined to, mornings. I am currently being watched for an increasing occurrence of depression, a possible cause of the weakness. Depression itself must be treated with medication. The psychiatrist has started to deal with this depression by a small increase in the medication that he has prescribed for me.

 

My natural tendency is to ask the Lord for a large dose of strength to confront these episodes of weakness in advance. But I fear that this approach reveals that I do not fully understand how God wants to deal with these difficult circumstances in my life. I need to live each day as it comes. I cannot live tomorrow today. God does not promise to give me a large dose of strength to be delivered in advance. But rather He does promise to give me strength to face each new day as I begin it.

 

I have had to get up very early in the mornings to take my son to school. Then I have had to come home and begin my personal routines and cleaning chores. In the past I have had episodes of weakness as soon as I arrived home from taking him to school. I lie immobile in a recliner for several hours before dragging myself up and on with the day’s events.

 

The days of getting up early are over. My son graduated from high school last night. The psychiatrist has increased my medication and I will be seeing him tomorrow for an evaluation that could lead to a further increase. What am I going to do? The natural tendency would be to have anticipatory anxiety. I completed very few cleaning chores this past week. It was a struggle just to do my personal routines. I will trust the Lord to be with me during the coming week and to give me the strength to accomplish as much as I can of what needs to be completed. I will look for strength from the Lord, from medication, from the therapy and from deep within myself as each day comes.

 

You can pray a prayer like mine: “Dear Lord, thank You for the strength that You give me at the beginning of each new day. You give me the ability to endure whatever comes my way. I will not try to figure out in advance how each day will go, but will rather ‘go with the flow’ by asking You to be at the helm of my ship of life. Amen.”

 

-John Lashbrook